How to be: Hardcore

Cavet: I am not hardcore (I think) and this is for giggles only.

So, you want to be hardcore? This would mean that currently you are not hardcore. Therefore you are either a wannabe or *cough* casual and are wasting space on the server, over-loading it, causing it to lag, thus affecting my gameplay which is thus why I hate you and your ilk.

If you want to be hardcore you can’t. You don’t become hardcore, you are BORN hardcore. We are born with the innate knowledge of all game abbreviations. If you like ‘art’, debating stuff (intellectually like) and logging into an online game to ‘meet new people’ and have ‘fun’, forget it, turn off the computer (would be better if you threw it out the window) and watch re-runs of Happy Days or Powderpuff Girls.

Being Hardcore is SERIOUS. This game is SERIOUS and has REAL MEANING. They are not pixels. They are extensions of my self, my personality, my awesomeness. IF you can beat somebodies pixels, you can beat them face to face too. My time is valuable! and it should not be wasted by treehugging carebear NOOBS (who should be playing Hello Kitty online or My little pony online).

Hardcore is to be the best (elitest if you would). On time for ALL RAIDS, fully ready with the best gear, food, and pots. Your LI’s must have the best legacies and maxed out (you should link them often in glff to show how awesome you are). Your virtues must be all 10 +/- 600 and you must be properly traited for the specific instance we are running. Of course, you are in vent because in-game chat is for NOOBS.

We don’t play to have ‘fun’, we play to WIN. If somebody messed up in the run and causes a wipe you must rage quit lest somebody think your getting soft.

Being hardcore means we don’t waste time on forums except to point out how we know more than others and ergo our opinion is more important (this is a daily matter). If there is a reply to your post you must respond again and again until you have the last word/post. If the thread gets closed by a moderator without you having the last post you’ll suffer -100 hardcore rep.

When new content is added you must call in sick for work for at least one week to ensure you get all the new best gear before anyone else and kill the newest bosses first. Second is for carebears. N.B. Playing straight for the first 48hours is mandatory. (if you’ve never passed out on your keyboard you are a carebear)

In the moors, if you are ever killed by being ganged up on, i.e. 2 or more on 1, you must post on the forums saying NOOB, you’d never beat me 1 on 1 et.al. If you were beaten 1 on 1 you must post saying I only lost because of mad lag or I had to pick the kids up form school/lost link et.al. Moreover if you repeatedly beat someone or beat up more than one at the same time you must also post on the forums so all will know how awesome you are and how privileged the server is that you play on it (And that they are carebear NOOBS).

So stop wasting my time. Be hardcore when you play a game. Playing a game for FUN is ridiculous. Play to win, because winning IS fun. Now take your cookie (make sure it’s a hardcore cookie) and eat it.

Next post: How to be *cough* casual. [runs to wash mouth out with sulphuric acid]